QUARRELTINE-quarrels in any time of 'quarantine'
Contributed by: Elder James and Cheryl Walker
“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”
Philippians 4:6-9 MSG
Locked up now for a number of weeks and perhaps feeling as if you’re ready to end more than a quarantine? Wondering how things got to the point where your last nerve has been walked on 20 or more times? Wondering what you ever saw in your spouse, to begin with?
Perhaps that is in fact where you should begin - thinking on the things you saw in them at first; thinking on things that are encouraging, uplifting, and good. Certainly, you have learned things through your years together that you did not know initially, but there were things at the onset that drew you one to the other and caused you to believe this is the person with whom you would spend the rest of your life, by your choice. However, now you are finding after just a few weeks of continuous contact, that you’re feeling bat-crazy and ready to throw in the towel.
In this time of quarantine and sheltering in place we find ourselves given an excellent time for checking yourself. If that’s something you have not done to date, this would be a great time to start; particularly if you are frustrated and angered to the point of wanting to separate from your mate. If you think about what attracted you to your spouse initially and compare those drawing traits to what your spouse has grown to today, can you determine that they remain and have increased? Can you identify the many times those specific traits have aided you, comforted you, encouraged you or made you lighter perhaps with laughter? Can you recall the circumstances in which you found yourself when you received this help?
NOW, can you reflect HONESTLY on the things you do that drive your spouse up the wall? Have THESE things increased over your years together, rather than DECREASED? Have you thought through whether these things are essential to who YOU are? Have these things aggravated OTHERS throughout your lifetime? Are these things that YOU should be working on WITHIN YOURSELF so that you can grow more, mature, and develop into more the person you wish to be for your family and others? Nooooo????!!!! But isn’t that EXACTLY what you would ask of your mate?......GROW UP, stop doing ___, GET a GRIP!!
What you go through with your spouse is NO different than what you go through with all other people in your life. The ONLY difference is that you get to LEAVE your spouse or co-worker or parent or child….you get a time of separation so that there is not the continuous repetition of the ‘little foxes’ that work your nerve periodically. So, what do you do now?
The verses above speak to exactly how to handle this and ALL aggravating, frightening, discouraging, defeating, dishonest, disturbing things/people, and events in our lives. THINK about the POSITIVES!!!
“Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.”
If your spouse were to leave this earth today, WHAT would you MISS? THINK!! If your spouse were disabled and never able to talk with you again, WHAT would you FEEL and MISS? THINK!!! If your spouse was in the hospital during this ‘shelter in place’ and you wouldn’t be able to TALK, VISIT, TEXT or even LOOK AT, what would you MISS/FEEL/be crying about? THINK!! If your spouse decided that THEY had enough and walked out the door with luggage in hand, WHAT would YOU GO THROUGH?? THINK!! When your spouse tells you things that aggravate or irritate them what do YOU do; get defensive, get angry, stomp out of the house? WHY??? THINK!!
What would happen in those irritating times if you THOUGHT about the GOOD things, GOOD times, GOOD support…..and then TALKED ABOUT THOSE with your spouse. WHAT would happen if the two of you EACH TALKED (not FUSSED) about ONE thing one does that irritates the other, and each resolved to try to STOP that ONE thing!! If each could focus on OUT-PLEASING, OUTSERVING the OTHER and being ENCOURAGEMENT for the OTHER, what wonderful NEW competitions and discussions would begin; what wonderful new results could be gained; what a wonderful HOME it would become, with GOD at the CENTER because He inhabits the PRAISES of His people!!
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”